I'm realli depressed right now and i finally wanna let it out here.And everything i write now is from the bottom of my heart and it has been trapped in me for a long time. From the first day you came to this skl till now, there was a feeling that has trapped inside me like a curse. I still have the feeling that i can't tell when ever you walked pass me, or even when you were around me. We were together and the reason we broke up was all because of me being a total asshole. I was not gentlemen enough, not being a good bf, being a playboy... etc. Everyone said i am a playboy, but i can say that i would never cheat on my GF anymore. ANd i will prove to u all that i aren't a playboy, I can never make up to you and i know, even if you said you are fine with it, it is not fine with me, i hate myself so much for cheating on the person i love so much. I changed so much after we broke up, i realli did. Although there were GFs in between the years i love you, but you are still the one i can't let go in my heart no matter who was I with in the past. No other girls can give me the feeling that you gave me, it can't be replaced with anything, and when i say anything, it's ANYTHING. And from the day we broke up until now, i tried to ask you out again, but sometimes you thought i was joking about it, and sometimes, you would just reject me in my face. I know there's no chance for you to accept me again. I'm not asking for it or anything, I'm just here to tell u my feeling. And now in this moment, i wanna ask you out once again, i have no idea why ? every time it seems to fine before i ask, but as soon as i ask, everything goes wrong and all the hope disappeared. You are treating me the way i love but can't stand in some ways. If you keep treating me like that, i will fall in love with you deeper. You might not believe this but it's the truth. All the pain inside that i can't get rid of. I realli wish i can be the reason why u are happy but i know it aren't gonna happen. I held her hands these days and i know this is the last time I'm gonna hold it. I realli do love you, now I fell in love you once again, even though there is no hope. But i can say that I'm always there for u. As you can see below, were my old blogs before to u. :( i will be happy by just imaging me being together with u. LOVE :( i wish you happy forever ...cuz when u r depressed, i am too

i started to feel that i'm not so popular anymore, since william came, i still remeber the first day he came.    but anyway, i'm not as good as he is, he is so much better than me.   i'm just a stupid trash that no one needs.   he is tall , he is smart, he is good at everything.    me, i'm not smart, i show-off, i suck at everything.   i'm sorry for being a jerk for the entire life of mine.    william, i am very jealious when the first day u came, but now i know i suck, sorry for that, sorry

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